🚨🔥BREAKING: Zepto Just Became the Newest Member of the Big Boy Billionaire Club!🚀💰 In a jaw-dropping twist that even the Kardashians would be jealous of, Indian quick commerce darling Zepto just pulled a *major* bag, raising a whopping $450 MILLION! 💸💸 That's right, folks! A fresh $7 billion valuation is enough to make you say “Stonks!” 📈💥 Led by the California Public Employees’ Retirement System (aka the folks who are probably too busy to understand how tech works), this funding round is like the fancy dress party that nobody invited you to, but you crashed anyway. 🤡🎉 Existing investors, aka the “We were here first” squad, included big names like Avenir and Lightspeed. We get it, you guys know how to throw a funding party! 🥳🍾 💬 *“I just wanted to invest in something that could deliver my snacks faster than I eat them,”* said one imaginary developer who totally isn’t a robot. 🤖💥 But for real, as this quick commerce market heats up, it’s looking like everything is going to be delivered quicker than your roommate's excuses for not paying rent. 😤🛒 🔥 **Prediction:** In 3 years, Zepto will be delivering groceries via drone while your local grocery store is still figuring out how to get their website to stop crashing. Coping? Seething? Either way, welcome to the future! 💀👽