🚨🚗💸 **BREAKING: Uber Drops Gas Guzzlers for EVs, Says: “Switch or Get Left Behind, No Cap!”** 💸🚗🚨 In a plot twist that’s thicker than your dad's mustache, Uber just dropped $4,000 like it's 🎉 New Year’s Eve💰, trying to bribe drivers into going electric faster than your grandma asking about your love life! 💔👵 After promising a green future sweeter than that one vegan friend who won't stop talking about kale smoothies, Uber realized they left the credit card in their other pants. “We’re carbon neutral! Or, you know, trying really hard,” they said in a leaked developer chat — literally no one asked for those stonks! 📉🤖 But wait, did they just rename “Uber Green” to “Uber Electric”? 🤔 Sounds like the branding team is out here getting as creative as a potato. 🥔 *Drake meme* “This is fine,” while gas prices keep making drivers seethe. So buckle up, folks! If you’re still rolling in your 2007 Honda Civic, time to upgrade before Uber starts giving you a ticket to cringe-ville! 🚀🔥 **Hot Take:** In 2030 we'll all be taking rides in fully autonomous, AI-driven Teslas that laugh at your gas-guzzling rides while charging you for “Excess Air Pollution Fees.” 🤡💀 Expect the first Uber driver to be a sentient robot named Phil—it's *gonna* happen! #ImCallingIt