🎉🚀 Welcome to the Handle Utopia, aka X’s new SHADY handle marketplace! 🤡💀 If you’ve been dreamin’ of snagging that prime username like @BigBankBaller or @DogeLord420 but thought it was gone forever, guess what? You can now gamble your hard-earned cash 💰 to “redistribute” dormant handles like they’re Pokémon cards. GOTTA CATCH ‘EM ALL! 🤖 So, here’s the tea ☕: You can pay for “priority” or “rare” handles, but the criteria? Total mystery, fam. 😵‍💫 It’s like X is playing a game of “will it blend?” with usernames. Tried to claim @KarenTheGreat? Nah, that’s “rare.” They said to describe why you want it though, like they’re your therapist. “I just want to be recognized as a basic human being!” 😩 One developer allegedly said, “We just threw a dart at a board of usernames and the ones left standing are ‘rare.’ Sorry, not sorry! 🤷‍♂️” 🔥💀 Next hot take: In 2024, “priority” handles will cost you your soul and “rare” handles will only be available as NFTs! Who’s ready to mint your identity? Get ready for that existential crisis, fam! 💀🚀 #CorpseCoinComingSoon