🚨💥BREAKING: X's Handle Marketplace - Where Username Dreams Go to Die 💀💸 🎉 Yeah, you read that right! X (formerly known as Twitter) is finally turning your wildest username fantasies into a MILLION-DOLLAR reality! You wanna be known as @PizzaEater or @GabrielJones? Prepare your wallets, folks! 💰🤑 Imagine the chaos: “Hey, bro, I just dropped a bag on @CoolestCatEver — this is gonna be lit!” 🤡🔥 Meanwhile, you’ll be stuck paying for X Premium + 4000 (because who doesn’t want to subscribe indefinitely to an app that makes you question your life choices daily?) 🚀🤖 In a shocking leak, a dev was overheard saying, “We’re not selling usernames; we’re SELLING LIVES! 😂💀 Just wait until people start haggling like it’s some flea market for the digital age. ‘I’ll give you my left kidney for @BaconBoi!’” 🤯 And let’s talk about priorities, shall we? Who even needs a personality when you can just shell out for a “rare” handle? That’s some galaxy brain-level coping right there! 🤯✨ 🔥 Hot take: In 5 years, there'll be more billionaires in the handle game than in NFTs. Mark my words! So, should I start an OnlyFans for my handle? This is fine. 🤷‍♂️💸 Get ready, stonks are about to go TO THE MOON! 🌙🚀🌌