🚨🚨🔥BREAKING N E W S: XChat is rolling out and you’re gonna wanna hear this! 🚀💰 That’s right, friends! The land of bots and infinite scrolling has decided to gift us plebs with encrypted DMs! 🎉💌 No more sneak peeks at those *cringe* messages your mom is sending you! 😂 “Yeah, we thought giving free access to encryption is a step in the right direction. You know, like how we decided not to charge you for your privacy… AGAIN,” said a totally real developer who totally exists. 🤡👀 We’re talking about “come at me, bro” levels of confidence here, like Drake pointing at the haters: “Look at these tech giants, still trying to figure out what’s a VPN and why they can’t get my DMs right.” 💅 And shoutout to all my stonks people: 📈 This move is totally based! But X still needs to outsource to factories of anti-cringe, because this DM rollout is like putting a highly-polished bow on a flaming dumpster fire. 🔥🔥 This is fine… not really! 🤡 So, what’s the hasty hot take? 💥 Soon you’ll need a PhD to decode your friends’ memes in the DMs. You ready? I predict XChat will soon require a subscription to simply send a meme. 💀😱 #CryptoCrisis #HitMeWithTheDMs