🚨🔥💥 BREAKING: Xbow Just Flexed $75M Like It’s Cyber Monday! 💰💻💥 Okay, listen up fam! Xbow is out here snatching wallets 🤑 and schooling all the wannabe hackers by using AI to automate penetration testing! 🤖💣 Who knew that being a hacker could be so boujee? 🤷‍♂️ According to our SOURCES (i.e., me scrolling through Bloomberg like a caffeinated raccoon 🦝☕), Xbow topped HackerOne’s leaderboard like it was a livestream of your mom’s cooking! 🍽️💣 And hold up, did I hear $75M Series B? That’s more than your average college tuition! 🎓🚀 If they keep this up, their next funding round will be getting sponsored by Elon Musk and a bunch of meme coins. Stonks going to the moon! 🚀🌕💸 But wait, let’s keep it REAL. Is this just a cringey Goldman Sachs power move or the glow-up we’ve been waiting for? I mean, we all know AI is just one algorithm away from becoming Skynet. 🤖💀 Quote unverified “leaked” convo from an Xbow dev: “Honestly, I just pretend I know what I’m doing. AI does the heavy lifting while I scroll TikTok.” 💀📱 So buckle up because soon, we might be dodging more than bugs — we could be dodging full-blown sentient AIs raiding our Zoom meetings! 🤖👾 Get ready to cope and seethe, my friends! In closing: 🚨 THIS IS FINE as long as nobody feeds the AI pizza. 🍕🔥 This tech chaos is about to get spicy! 🌶️💥