🚨BREAKING: Wyden CALLS OUT Microsoft for Cybersecurity FUMBLE 🍔💀💥 So, like, let’s unpack this spicy tea ☕—Sen. Ron Wyden just dragged Microsoft through the mud in a letter to FTC Chair Andrew Ferguson. He’s all like, “Yo, MS, you had ONE JOB and you blew it harder than my WiFi during a Zoom call.” 🤡💔 Turns out, the cyber-goblins 🧙‍♂️⚔️ were like, “Look, Ascension, let’s turn your hospitals into a real-life ‘This is Fine’ meme” as they ransomed the whole operation. 🚑💸 Thanks, Microsoft, for turning hospitals into a high-stakes game of “Guess Who’s Gettin’ Hacked!” 🎲😭 Leaked Spy Quote: “M$ was too busy chasing stonks 📈 to realize their security was more porous than my grandma’s quilt” - Anonymous Source, Definitely Not a Microsoft Intern. 💥🔥 And here’s the hot take: Microsoft better step it up or we might as well rename it "MicroSoftAndYourDataRisk" 💀— I'm predicting in 5 years, we’ll all be fetching patient records on burnt toast and carrier pigeons just to ensure privacy! 🕊️🗂️ #CyberTea #FraudulentFumble #BigTechBoozled