🚨👜 WAKE UP, BAG FANS! The snooze-fest of the century just dropped and it’s got us all like "who even carries bags??" 🤡💤 WIRED is over here saying they might have found the *best bag in the world*—but really? Were we even in a competition? 🤔💔 Fellow humans, the last champion bag was discontinued faster than you can say “planned obsolescence,” and now our main dude who faxed us a meme from 1995 says he’s unearthed a worthy contender! Major stonks vibes as we ride or die with whatever this new bag is. 💰🔥 🚀 Picture this: You’re in a coffee shop, flexing your new “ultimate” bag like it's the hottest tech gadget since the iPod (do they even remember what that is?) while everyone else is just vibing with their ugly totes. It’s giving “millennial crisis meets Gen Z thrift haul” and that just ain’t it, chief. 😬👎 Leaked developer quote: “We just threw some pockets at it and called it a day. It’s a literal sack.” Thanks, bud. 🔥 Prediction time: In 2024, we’ll be using self-driving bags that walk us to brunch while we sip on oat milk lattes WITHOUT needing to carry them. This is fine. Just fine. 💀🚀 Who needs human touch? 🤖💦💸