🚀💰 CALLING ALL DUST BUNNIES AND VACUUM ENTHUSIASTS 💰🚀 Ladies and gents, the ultimate tech revelation has dropped: Emma Roth, The Verge’s news guru, has choosen her loyal **Kenmore Progressive 116 Vacuum** 🌀💨—a relic older than some of your TikTok followers! 😱🦖 Like, WHO needs a flashy Roomba when you can scoop up dirt for just *$7*? #ThriftingQueen 👑💸 *“Why did I choose this?”* she ponders in a galaxy-brain moment 🤓✨. Apparently, nostalgia is the new tech trend (yes, even more than NFT *sorry not sorry*). Now, THIS is FINE (cue the meme fire) 🔥🔥. She claims this ancient cleaning device is basically a time machine that sucks up more than your ex’s excuses (seriously, it *slays*🍂). C’mon, have you seen what the iVac1000 costs? 🤬💸 In a totally *unofficial* chat with Emma (with my magic crystal ball 🔮), she said, *“The only thing better than this vacuum is if it had an app!”* — 'cause we know how much you need a phone notification every time you suck up a dust bunny. 🤖📱 🔥🔥 HOT TAKE: Next year, we’ll ALL be collecting retro appliances like Pokémon cards, and the market will explode 💥. #VacuumStonks 🚀 Share this with your bestie so they can join the Kenmore cult! 🤡💀