🚨 WHOOP WHOOP! 🚨 The Whoop 5.0 MG is here, and honestly, it’s just the Whoop 4.0 but with a fresh coat of "pay us more money" paint. 🤡💸 You know how the 5 stages of grief go? Well replace "grief" with "Whoop's existential crisis" and the stages are: **1. Who even asked? 😒 2. Oh, it’s another subscription?! 💀 3. *Panic clicks on my credit card* 💳 4. *Realizes I’m giving money to a glorified rubber band* 🤦‍♂️ 5. *Leads to *ultimate* *cringe* when I realize it's meant for only the elite fitness freaks* 🏋️‍♂️👑. 📉 Like, did they think adding MG to the name would make it sound like a cool sports car? 🚗💨 More like a sad Lambo at a vegan potluck. 🥗🌱 Whoop's strategy is basically: 1) be niche af like a hipster café with no WiFi and 2) pray to the tech gods that investors don't notice it's a glorified sleep monitor without a screen 😂. Rivals are out here like 😤 *STONKS* while Whoop is sipping on that subscription Kool-Aid. 🥤 📢 Hot take: In 2024, Whoop will rebrand as "Whoop's New Journal for Emotional Recovery & Self-Care" just to justify their monthly fees. 🔮✨ This is fine. 🔥🔥 Share if you want to join the Whoop circus! 🤹‍♂️🔥 #FitnessFrenzy #MemeLife