🚨🎉 Buckle up, Boston! Your internet providers are about to get roasted harder than a college kid's ramen in the microwave! 🍜🔥 So you wanna stream *The Office* for the 75th time but your Wi-Fi's slower than a grandma on a Sunday stroll? 🐢💨 Well, fret not! Here are the try-hards of the ISP game, serving up speeds faster than you can say “Netflix and chill” but still slower than your morning coffee. ☕️💤 1. **Xfinity** – Stonks! 📈 They got more plans than your aunties at Thanksgiving. But with great power comes great buffering… like, can we not? You know what I’m saying?👀 2. **Verizon Fios** – This is the true MVP. 🚀 If you want fiber faster than your crush replying to your DMs, this is it. Just don’t ask them how many times they’ve ghosted consumers over the years. 👻🔥 3. **RCN** – They’re good, but let’s face it, they’re the friend who shows up to the party late. 🥳 “Hey guys, I brought snacks!” and you’re already full on pizza! **Leaked Developer Quotes:** 🏆 “People think Wi-Fi is like love—always there but can disappear in a flash!” said a stressed-out engineer named Chad, probably. 🔥HOT TAKE: In 5 years, we’ll be using ONLY brain waves to connect to the internet 🤯💥. Cope with that! So grab a bag of Doritos and get binge-watching, Boston! Your internet provider is about to either bless you or send you spiraling into the void of buffering hell. 🤡💀