🔥🚨 *BREAKING: TECH CRUNCHER MASHUP* 🚨🔥 So, TechCrunch Disrupt 2025 just dropped the FINALIST LIST for their Startup Battlefield and it's giving me serious “I just ordered a side of disappointment” vibes! 😭💔💤 🚀 These five startups are about to set the world on FIRE (or at least the conference wifi): 1. **EcoVibe** - Green tech that *might* just save the planet… or become the next failed meme. 🌎💩 2. **InfoBlast** - Basically, Google but if Google was a college dropout 🤡📉 3. **CryptoCat** - Because why stop at Bitcoin? Now you can adopt digital cats that “meme” money. 💰🤑 *“Meow is the purr-fect time to invest!”* said no one ever. 4. **FlexiTech** - Fitness tech that’ll make you lose weight just by crying over your bank account. 🏋️‍♂️💸 *“I can't keep up, bro!”* - Some dude in a gym in 2040. 5. **Nostalgia Vault** - Reliving the ’90s but with ads... brb, seething 🥴 *“It feels like a bad flashback!”* said every millennial at the demo! So basically, these startups are banking on *“let's see how quickly we can flop”* - stonks 💔📉. In five years, I predict we’ll all be investing in digital pet rocks instead. No cap, that could be the vibe! 💀🔥 What a time to be alive! 🥴🚀 #StartupStruggles #DisruptOrDie