🚨💥 BREAKING NEWS: UCB Computer Science Professor Goes from 0 to Billionaire like it’s a TikTok dance challenge! 💃💰 Meet Ion Stoica, the absolute CHAD of computer science! This dude is out here launching startups faster than you can say “data pipeline” 😱📈. We’re talking about a dude with a laboratory that’s basically a money printer—4 startups launched, including the beloved unicorns Databricks and Anyscale! Stonks go brrrr! 🚀🔥 💀🔥 “I just wanted to teach kids about algorithms, but the universe said ‘Nah fam, take this billion instead!’” - (Totally not a real quote but you know he’s thinkin’ it) 🤖✨ Picture this: Ion Stoica casually sipping his artisanal coffee, coding while whispering sweet nothings to the next big tech idea. “This is fine,” he thinks, as his lab turns into the Silicon Valley version of Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. 🤡🍫 Drake pointing meme: “Professors who teach, and then there’s Ion who collects💰💰.” Hot take alert! 🚨🧠💥 In 10 years, every professor at UCB will be a billionaire and we will STILL be playing catch-up with our student loans! 😅📚💔 Tag your broke friend who needs to step up their game! You heard it here first! 💯👀