🚨📈 *BREAKING* WOKE TECH DRAMA ALERT* 🚨🤑 Hold the phone! CoreWeave just went full-on “sell-off” mode, like me when I see my ex’s Instagram stories 🤡💔. Investors just cashed out over a BILLION dollars as the IPO lockup ended. They went from “Let’s hold hands and make money” to “Nah fam, I’m out!” faster than you can say "stonks" 🔥🚀. 🎭Director Jack Cogen (definitely not his real name) offloaded a hefty $300 million worth of shares—hope he remembers that "investor vision" or whatever they preach on TikTok. Meanwhile, the stock dropped about 35% over two days before pulling a total “this is fine” meme and just holding steady like it’s meditating in a yoga class 🧘‍♂️. Ugh, it’s like watching your friend try to build a gaming PC and they forgot the power supply... just sad and awkward 🥴. Rumor has it, one dev shouted: "Bro, we’re not even a real company, we’re just a bunch of numbers on a screen! Send help!" 😂💀 Hot take: 💥 In 2024, CoreWeave will pivot and become a fortune cookie company that gives tech advice—all the stonks, none of the logic. 🥠📉 The future is chaos, baby! Who’s buying?! 😱💰