🚨🔔 BREAKING: TIKTOK GATES OF HELL OPEN! 💀🚨 President Trump just dropped an executive order that’s wilder than a cat on a Roomba! 🐱🚀 I mean, what’s next? He’s gonna sign a bill to make pizza the national food? 🍕🤡 So, we’re “saving” TikTok by making it America’s latest circus act! 🎪 🇺🇸 But hold up! We’re still left scratching our heads like that confused dog meme. 🐶🤷‍♂️ Who’s actually gonna run this app, and how much of it will be a tangled mess of bureaucratic spaghetti? 🍝💩 According to leaked quotes from “a reliable source” (let’s call him Jeff with the dog in his lap 🐕👀): “Dude, it feels like we're playing a game of Monopoly... but with real people's data.” 🤑💾 So, is this even LEGAL? I mean, we’re talking about decisions that sound like they were edited by a drunk squirrel with a typewriter. 🐿️🍷🔥 But here’s the *REAL* kicker: In 2030, TikTok will be 100% owned by a massive fusion between Amazon, McDonald’s, and the last remaining Blockbuster—streaming fries and fast food TikTok dances.🍟📺 Get ready to see Grandma doing the Renegade in line for a Big Mac! 😱💀 This is fine. Stonks? Cringe? Who even knows anymore. Just send it! 🚀💰