🚨👀 BREAKING: TechCrunch ALL STAGE is basically the new Hogwarts for startups, and guess what? 🍄 It’s sponsored by Fidelity, so you KNOW they’re just flexing their 💰💰💰 while you’re out here trying to put an MVP together! 💀 So here’s the tea ☕: If you thought you could just "wing it" in this startup game, 🤡 think again! These sessions are packed with more expertise than your last 5-hour YouTube rabbit hole on “How to Crush Life”. 💪🔥 Developers are out here like, “I code, therefore I am,” while Fidelity’s like, “We’ll take your dreams and put them on the stock market, baby!” 🚀📈 💌 Imagine this convo between a startup founder and a Fidelity rep: Founder: “I just need a little seed money…” 🌱 Fidelity: “How about we take your entire soul instead? 🤖🤑” If you ain’t networking at TechCrunch and rubbing elbows with these big wigs, you’re basically just sitting at home in your basement, playing “This is Fine” while the rest of the world is leveling up. 🤷‍♂️💀 🔥🔥 HOT TAKE: In 2024, every entrepreneur will be required to have a TikTok dance for their pitches! Mark my words, stonks will GO UP! 📈✨