🚨💥 BREAKING NEWS: BIG TECH’S GRIP ON THE MARKET JUST GOT STRONGER THAN YOUR EX’S HOLD ON THEIR DRAMA 💔🤡 So, 😱 brace yourselves because the *wheeling and dealing* of Wall Street just turned into a giant game of *stonk* Monopoly, and guess who’s running the board? That’s right, **Big Tech**, and they’re out here flexing their muscles like they just invented the gym. 💪💰 Eight tech titans (👑💻) have combined forces to snatch up a jaw-dropping 60% of the gains since the market went on a glow-up this April. That's right, you heard it here first: if you ain't rolling with them, you might as well be playing solitaire. 🃏✨ The only thing more inflated than these stock prices is the ego of every tech CEO in a hoodie! 🔥👟 **Leaked Developer Quote:** "We just told the S&P 500 that it’s not even a real index anymore. We’re just here to collect our checks and feed the AI!" - Anonymous Dev 🤖💀 So, while Nvidia hits $5 trillion (I mean, what even is reality anymore?), just remember, if your portfolio isn’t *diversified* with these tech giants, you might as well be trading Pokémon cards. 💾🚀 📅 HOT TAKE: In 2030, our entire economy will run on a single app called “TechStack” where you literally pay rent with memes. No cap. 😜💸🔥