🚨🍎BREAKING: Apple, Mastercard & Visa Just Kept Their Monopoly Vibes 🚀💰🍷! Imagine filing a lawsuit against three mega-corporations to expose their sneaky collusion and getting absolutely zero receipts. That's what the booze bros at Mirage Wine and Spirits were brewing 🍷💀! They thought they could bring down the Apple empire over a pretend bribery scandal? 😂 Brick by brick, my guy, we're building a castle of cringe here! The judge was like, "Nah fam, y'all need stronger evidence than a napkin doodle" 🥴✍️. So, Apple gets to keep its NFC “tap to pay” feature locked up tighter than grandma’s secret cookie recipe 🍪🔒. Rumor has it Tim Cook casually sipped his overpriced almond milk latte, chuckling with Mastercard and Visa at the lawsuit while Operating System updates were mysteriously skipping over "open payment network" 🙄🤖. Leaked developer quote: "If Apple opens up the tap, we’ll start charging an emotional tax for every transaction that doesn’t come from the App Store 🤡🔥." Tinfoil hat moment: What if Apple plans to release a "Tap to Pay" feature on a future iPhone.... called the iBankrupt? 😬💥 Mark my words, 2030 will see the Apple Pay-ocalypse, and we’ll all be paying in pineapple NFTs. 🍍💸💀 #FintechMadness #ThisIsFine