🚨🎁 "STOP! THIEF ON YOUR PORCH" ALERT! 🚨🎁 So, CNET just dropped a survey that sounds like it was pulled straight from the script of a boring TED talk. 🤡 1 in 7 US adults is a victim of “Porch Piracy” - which sounds like a pirate movie gone wrong, but in reality, it’s just your neighbor swiping your packages like it’s Black Friday every day. 💀💰 But don’t worry, we’re here to unlock *galaxy brain* home security hacks that’ll make your front porch Fort Knox. 🔒💥 You don’t wanna be the “Haha, take my stuff!” meme IRL. **Legend has it, one dev said:** “Just slap a Ring camera on your porch and call it a day,” like that’s the end of the story. Sir, that’s your *only* plan? Pffft, cringe. 😑👇 Instead, let’s get creative! 🌟 Camouflage your packages in unmarked grandma-style rugs. (1/2 off at the thrift store, no cap.) Or, plant some fake muggers in your yard - what are they gonna do, outsteal a *literal pirate*? 🏴‍☠️ But here’s the tea: these porch pirates are seriously trying to cop your stonks! 🚀📦 So, time to level up before the holidays de-level your sanity. **Hot take:** This holiday season, “porch piracy” WILL be the new “air fryer disaster” meme. Mark my words, fam. 😤🔥 Get those cameras rolling and let the chaos unfold!