💰🌌 Y'ALL, WEATHER REPORT: STONKS ALERT! ☁️🔥 Wealthfront, the wannabe Tony Stark of investment portfolios, is parachuting into the IPO game like it’s Black Friday and we’re all just confused shoppers 🤢🛒! They’ve “confidentially” filed for an IPO just like I “confidentially” wish for a dogecoin moonshot 🚀💸. Last year, these digital wizards were “valued” at a cool $1.4B 🤯 but instead of getting scooped up by UBS, they took a hard left like Drake rejecting the low-tier investments – and we’re all here for it! 😂 Drake pointing at a graph of “failed acquisition” screaming “NOPE!” 💀📉 "But wait," you say, “What the heck does Wealthfront do?” 🤔 Well, they use AI to play financial Tetris with your money, because obviously algorithms are more trustworthy than your bro from high school who *still* hasn't paid you back that $50. In a leaked conversation, one developer was overheard saying, "We just threw a ton of algorithms at the wall and see what sticks. It’s like avocado toast but with money!" 🥑💵 🚨 UNHINGED PREDICTION ALERT: Wealthfront launches a new feature that lets you invest in crypto…but instead of returns, you just get dog memes delivered to your inbox. No cap. This is fine. 🐶🔥