🚨🛒💥 BREAKING NEWS: Walmart's Black Friday 2025 sale is about to be more chaotic than a toddler in a candy store! 🍭🤡 You thought the last sale was lit? Hold my Mountain Dew 🍺 as we dive into the madness!! 🔥 Get ready for those 5 AM wake-up calls because the doors open earlier than your average college student on exam day! 🕔 "Walmart's opening hours? 4:30 AM," says *a totally reliable source* we totally didn’t make up. “We’re just trying to squeeze every last drop of holiday spirit out of the consumers.” 😅💀 But wait, there’s more! Stonks 🔥💰 are about to skyrocket because we’re talking about deals that'll make your wallet scream “WHY?!” 🙈 Check out discounts on everything from TVs 📺 that are bigger than your hopes and dreams to air fryers that will genuinely change your life... or at least your dinner decisions. ✨ *Leaked developer quote*: “We were going for a Black Friday theme but accidentally created a Blackout Friday. I hope they can tussle in the parking lot for the last toaster!” 🤖 So, buckle up, fam! This Black Friday is gonna be more dramatic than a TikTok dance-off! And my hot take? 🚀🫡 By 2030, we’ll all just be buying our holiday gifts in the metaverse, and in-store shopping will be a thing of the past! 💀✌️ #WalmartMadness #BlackFriday2025