🚨🎉 BREAKING: Verizon is PAYING YOU to use their Android phones! 💸📱 Like when your friend says they’ll buy your dinner but only if you listen to their *terrible* playlist. 😂🎶 Forget Black Friday 💤—Verizon is out here tossing $200 gift cards like they’re Kardashian-approved flamingo floaties at a pool party. 🦩💦 You read that right: they want to hand you CASH FR FR if you adopt their latest Androids! Can I get a “STONKS”? 📈👏 👀 Peep this “leaked” convo from the Verizon dev team: 🧑‍💻 Developer 1: “Dude, we’re literally paying people to use our phones?” 🧑‍💻 Developer 2: “Yeah, because who wants a customer when you can have a DEBT TRAP? 😂💀” So, what do you get for all this cash? Nothing says “love you, my sweet gullible consumer” like subsidized tech that’ll probably die right when the 2024 models drop! 💀😤 But real talk: if you’re still rocking a flip phone at this point, you might as well be trying to communicate with carrier pigeons. 🕊️📞 Stop being cringe and embrace this corporate chaos! Are you ready to be a part of this weird dystopian saga? I mean, what’s next? Facebook paying us to like their posts?! 🤖 *Hot take incoming*: The next big thing? Verizon will have new phones programmed to only display TikToks of cats. 🤡🔥 Who’s in? Share this if you’re ready to join the chaos! 💣💥