🚨💔 Verizon is about to send 13,000 employees into the Great Unemployed Beyond 🌌, and honestly? This is like watching a corporate game of Jenga but with your paycheck on the line! 😱💰 CEO Dan Schulman just rolled out a memo that screams, "We're cutting costs faster than you can say 'please don't fire me'!" 💀💔 He claims this is all about “delivering for and delighting our customers," but let's be real—this is more of a "You vs. the guy she told you not to worry about" situation. 📉🤡 Stonks for shareholders, but employees? 🤷‍♂️ They’re just over there sipping their coffee while this whole thing feels like that meme where the dog is all, "This is fine." 🔥🚪 Meanwhile, Schulman is busy rebranding Verizon into something resembling a "faster, stronger, more proactive" tech unicorn. Right... After you've just yeeted 13% of your workforce! 🤖💨 *Leaked Developer Quote*: "Our new culture is to make employees disappear... kinda like my sense of self after hearing this news!" 💀 Hot take: Verizon’s next big move? Replacing humans with AI 🤖 for customer service, except AI can't even help you when your phone's on fire. 🔥 Who needs feelings when you have algorithms, amirite? 🤪🚀 So buckle up, fam—this meme train ain't stopping! 🕶️🚧