🚨🚨 BREAKING NEWS 🚨🚨: Verizon says “Loyalty? Who needs that when we can just have your money?” 💸💀 According to the hottest tea *leaked via Reddit* (because where else do we get our news? 🤯), Big Red is slashing those sweet loyalty discounts like they're about to drop a new iPhone. Sorry, loyal customers—you just got hit with the *double whammy* of fee increases and loyalty cuts! Stonks? More like *no stonks* 😂📉. Can we take a moment to appreciate the sheer audacity? It's like your favorite pizza place announcing, “Congrats on being our customer! Here’s a 50% off coupon... oh wait, just kidding! Your pizza now costs double and comes with a side of tears.” 🍕😢 And what’s with this title? I can hear Verizon’s C-suite in the distance: “Hey, let’s charge more and take away discounts! Our ‘loyalty’ is based on their inability to escape our coverage!” Man, what’s next? “Cancers? More like *cancels*!” 🚀🔥 But listen up: in a future where Verizon sends you a bill for breathing their internet air, you’ll be like… “This is fine.” 🐶🔥 Keep your eyes peeled for an announcement about “Premium Air Features” coming soon! 💨💰 Get ready, fam—by 2030, we might just be paying a monthly subscription for indoor plumbing. Mark my words! #TechChaos 🤖👀