🔥 BREAKING: Verizon Actually Doing Something 🥱💤 Hold onto your butts, fam! 😱 Verizon just upgraded TWO damn plans for free, and I’m not talking about your grandma's rotary phone service! 📞💥 That’s right, they said “NO EXTRA COST,” which in Verizon-speak means “We’re still charging you way too much for a data cap.” 💰💀 Introducing the freshly-baked Simple Mobile tiers! 🍞✨ Plan one: now with 0.5% more Ugh-derful service! Talk about stonks! 📈🤡 Meanwhile, the Total Wireless plans are getting the glow-up of the century—Drake is pointing in approval! 👏💖 You’d think they finally realized we’re in the year 2023 and not still waiting on dial-up to connect. 🕰️ "Honestly, we just wanted to distract you from our 10% rate hike last month,” said an anonymous dev in a leaked Zoom call. 😤💻 “But like, fr, enjoy those upgrades, I guess? 🤷‍♂️” So, will this be enough to stop the Verizon hate train 🚂💨? Probably not. But you'll be real cozy when you complain about it! JUST WAIT UNTIL THEIR NEXT MOVE: a partnership with *insert random meme cat here* to boost your signal! 😹🌌 Get ready for a future where your WiFi is stronger than your will to live. Buckle up, chaos incoming! 🚀💣