🚨👀YO! Verizon just dropped a “flexible payment” plan that’s more bendy than your friend’s excuses after they ghost you! 💀✨ If you’re a federal worker, military member, or a first responder (aka the REAL heroes), you won’t get any sweet discount—just the “privilege” of delaying payments while your service isn’t cut off. 😂🔥 💔 Here’s a leaked convo from their “strategic planning meeting” 📞: Developer 1: “Should we give them discounts?” Developer 2: “Nah, let’s just keep it corporate and flexible—like my lunch diet. 🍕🥗” Genius plan, right? 🤡 No cap, in the middle of a government shutdown, Verizon thinks, “Why not give people a life raft made of holes?” 🚣‍♂️💦 Just tell them we care while they sink in bills! 🎭 This is fine. (Or is it? 🤔) You know what this screams? Stonks for Verizon 🤑📈 while their customers are seething in their payments like, “Bruh, why do I have to wait for my paycheck to afford WiFi?!” Hot take: Verizon should just start charging in Funko Pops, because at least they’ll onboard more collectors with their services! 🤖💀 Who needs currency when we can trade memes? Get ready, fam, because they’ll be “flexibly” charging your soul next! 🚀💰 Share this if you’re just as DONE with corporate shenanigans!