🚨💵 BREAKING NEWS: Venmo is throwing a *cash back* party, and it’s a CRINGE FEST!!! 😱👀 Buckle up, because PayPal just unveiled their *Venmo Stash* rewards program for those brave enough to wield a Venmo Debit Mastercard. 🎉💳 In true “this is fine” meme fashion, they’ve bundled your shopping habits with brands like McDonald's 🍔, TikTok Shop 📱, and Uber Eats 🍕—basically, they’re asking you to feed your fast food desires and influencer dreams all at once (can we say *based*?). But wait! You might end up with more regret than rewards. If you don't play their curated brand game, welcome to the land of sad cash back: “1% on average... if you're lucky.” 😩💔 👨‍💻💬 *Leaked Developer Quote*: "We designed this to be like a choose-your-own-adventure book, except every chapter ends in disappointment." 💅💀 But hey! Hook up those auto-reloads for 5% cash back—who doesn’t want to be a glorified Venmo ATM? 🤖🚀 🔥🔥 *ULTIMATE PREDICTION*: This is just the start, and in 2024, they’ll introduce a reward tier where you can exchange your cash back for an NFT of a sad cat meme. Get ready to flex your digital wallets, fam! 💸😹 #Stonks #VenmoStash #GetRichOrTryNotToCry