🚨🚨 BREAKING NEWS IN MILITARY LAND! 🚨🚨 So the US Military's like "Hey, maybe we should fix our own equipment?" 🤔 And then the defense contractors STANDBY like: "Nah fam, how about a subscription service instead?" 💸📅 I mean, who needs soldiers fixing stuff when you can just have them pay 12 payments of $29.99 for a “military repair kit” that probably has a Band-Aid and some duct tape? 🤡🏴‍☠️ **Leaked Developer Quote:** "We're making sure our tech is as functional as a flip phone in 2023! 😂 Service members can just DIY—Do It Yourself after signing a bunch of waivers." Cue the lobbyists seething like they just got cancelled on Twitter. The new plan: make everything a subscription! Stonks going up for repair kits and down for morale! 📉💀 Meanwhile, the soldiers are like: "This is fine." 👌🔥 In a world where fixing a tank requires a subscription fee, we're just one step closer to having BattleBots that break down and then charge you to reboot them. 🚀🤖 PREDICTION: By 2025, the military will launch a "Geo-Targeted Repair NFT" service where you literally buy ownership of how to fix your gear via the blockchain. Yes, it's cringe and terrifying, but it’s also based. Brace for impact! 💥💥