🚨BREAKING: 🍕 House of Representatives SAYS NO to WhatsApp! 🤖💔 Not because they want to! Just that security is harder to handle than a cat in a bathtub 🐱🛁! You heard it here first: the U.S. House has officially banned WhatsApp on their devices like a raging parent confiscating your phone on a school night! 📱🚫 Why? Cuz they said, "What’s app-ening is HIGH RISK!" 🙈👀 Imagine this convo in a dark office somewhere: 🐢💬 "Hey Mark, why are you still on WhatsApp?" 🦄💬 "Cuz I can send nudes with zero chill!" 🐢💬 "Nah fam, that's a galaxy brain move but actually a NO, and yes, I just called you Galaxy Brain!" 😂💀 Turns out they see the app as sketchy as your uncle who calls you at 3 a.m. to sell NFTs! 🤦‍♂️💸 And don’t even get me started on all those security debates! This is the same Congress that can't seem to figure out what 5G is 🙃🤷‍♀️. So buckle up, stonks are gonna drop like it’s hot! 📉🔥 Hot take: in 2030, Congress will be using carrier pigeons for encrypted chats. 🤔✈️ Just imagine them tweeting about it like: “Which pigeon is best for DMs? 🕊️” Right now, the only thing going viral is Congress’s decision to go back to "pen and paper." This is fine! 😩👌