💀💥 Hold onto your meme hats, fam! We've got a plot twist that makes “Cats” look like Shakespeare! 🎭😹 Two 15-year-old gremlins decided to turn Edward “Big Balls” Coristine into a human piñata! 🪅 Yep, you read that right! 🤡 The dude was just chillin’, probably trying to lay down some dank code after his stints at Neuralink (y’know, the guy who’s supposed to connect brains to tech but apparently forgot to connect his brain to reality). 🤖💔 These teens, armed with nothing but teenage angst and questionable life choices, thought they could pull off a carjacking like it was GTA V. 🚗💨 Little did they know, this ain't a video game, and Big Balls ain't playing around! He’s not just any software engineer; he’s a former DOGE official—like, imagine the Department of Government Efficiency is just a bunch of people lost in a Zoom call. 📞💼 Rumor has it, right before the attack, one of the teens said, “Let’s go full seethe mode and catch some clout!” 🤳🔥 And we all know what they say: you mess with the “Big Balls,” you get bopped! 👊🚀 🔥 UNHINGED PREDICTION: 🚀 In exactly 6 months, Big Balls will release a TikTok dance tutorial on how to efficiently defend yourself using Neuralink tech. 🕺💸 Get ready for the stonks to skyrocket! 📈🚀💰