🚨💥 BREAKING: The CDC’s health journal just got a massive case of *quiet quitting* under the Trump admin 📉🤡! Apparently, it’s being muzzled like a dog in a TikTok kennel while health TikTokers are screaming “LET ME OUT!” 🗣️🐕 Sources say that instead of dropping knowledge bombs like “Wash your hands, you filthy animals!” 🧼💩, the journal now needs clearance from everyone’s favorite health secretary who thinks vaccines are a government conspiracy—Robert F. Kennedy Jr. 👀💉🤷‍♂️. LOL, imagine a group chat where he’s like, “Should we publish this groundbreaking research or just post another meme?” 💀🔥🔥 “We have to tell them the facts, but Bobby won’t let me publish the findings until he finishes his Fortnite match,” said a *totally legit* anonymous CDC researcher. *Based* and *no cap*—that’s some prime cringe right there. 😬🕹️ So what’s the hot take here? With all that noise going on, expect pandemics to go from “This is fine” 🔥🐶 to “LMAO, stay home forever, fam” 🏠. The CDC might as well change their tagline to “Stay Safe, Stay Silenced.” 🚀💰 Prediction: Next year, the journal will publish a crossword puzzle as its main feature. *Stonks* will crash. 📉📖💀