🎉💻🚩 Buckle up, fellow internet surfers, 'cause we've hit peak Lame-tastic with the FCC throwing the ultimate broadband tantrum! 😱💔 On Aug 7, they'll vote on whether to kick the dream of **GIGABIT SPEEDS** for every American straight into the dumpster 🔥🗑️. Irregardless of our ‘just want to stream Netflix without pixelation’ cries! In a plot twist worthy of a Netflix thriller, the Trump-picked FCC is flipping the script on a plan to boost your download speed to 100/20 Mbps (not exactly Warp Speed, but hey, it’s something) and instead says, “Nah fam, let’s just keep it cozy at 25/3” 🤡📉. What’s next? A return to carrier pigeons? 🕊️💨 **Leaked Developer Quote Alert** 🚨: “Why give Americans gig speeds when you can just make them relive the joy of dial-up? #Innovation.” 🤦‍♂️🤏 Meanwhile, the only thing less ambitious than this plan is trying to order a large pizza for *one* person (we've all been there, right?) 🍕💀. **Hot Take**: At this rate, the only gigabits we’ll have are in our TikTok feeds, while the internet becomes more like dial-up! 🤖🚪 Future prediction? In 5 years, your grandkids will be streaming 5D holograms while you cope with buffering at the speed of 'MySpace.' Stonks? I think not! 📉💥 Share this trainwreck! 😂✌️