🚨💥BREAKING NEWS: Your fave tech companies just got a loyalty card!🦸‍♂️💳💀 The Trump administration is handing out favors like they're free samples at Costco, and guess who’s getting all the snacks? Yep, you guessed it—BIG TECH! 🤖💰 🇺🇸✨ So, according to *totally legit* sources (aka the Public Citizen report, not your aunt’s Facebook post), they’ve been dealing out immunity like it's a game of Monopoly. 💸 You land on “GO,” and *poof*—you don’t have to worry about getting fined for malfunctioning Face ID, my dude! 😂💥 🧠💭 Imagine a meeting where Trump is like, “You guys know that #loyalty is the real game-changer, right?” And the devs are nodding like, “Yeah, fam, that’s called *cozying up* to the feds.” Drake's pointing at "companies that act loyal = profit" like, “Y’all better take notes!” 📈🔥 To sum it up, while the rest of us are over here coping and seething at these sweet deals, the tech firms are out here flexing that government pass. ✈️ I mean, what's next? Free Wi-Fi for life? 🔥🌌 UNHINGED PREDICTION: In 2024, McDonald's will partner with Big Tech to replace all Happy Meal toys with crypto-mining rigs. Good luck explaining that to your kids, fam! 🤡💀 #stonks #thisisfine