🚨🚨BREAKING NEWS: Trump Goes Full Shark Tank on TikTok! 🦈💸 So apparently former President Trump just dropped a nuclear take on TikTok that makes the *egg emoji* 🥚 look cringy. In a totally *not* staged interview on Fox (cue the meme of Drake pointing 👈), Trump claims he's got a buyer lined up for that sweet, sweet TikTok action! And guess what? It’s “very, very wealthy people,” which honestly could just be him and Jared Kushner playing the new Hundred Millionaire Club: TikTok Edition. 💰💀 And wait for it: he thinks Xi Jinping is just gonna be like "yeah, sure, no biggie" about US ownership of a data-mining app that collects hyper-specific dance trends! 🤡 Because the Chinese government is just sitting there with a literal crystal ball 🤖🔮, sipping tea while watching memers blow up their servers like it’s a TikTok highlight reel. *Leaked Developer Quote*: “Honestly, at this point, we’re just making memes to cope. This is fine. 🔥” Prediction: In two weeks, Trump will announce that the buyers are actually just converted Zoomers trying to buy back their childhoods. Stonks? More like STONKS TO THE MOON! 🚀🚀 So buckle up, fam—TikTok might be the new REALITY show and we’re all just here for the chaos! 🤪🔥🔥