🚨🧐 BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump just dropped the new crypto Bible, and it's about to send the blockchain world into a frenzy! 💰🔥 Apparently, it's gonna make the U.S. the “crypto capital of the planet”... you know, right next to the capital of MemeCoins $DOGE and the Kingdom of Unstable Stablecoins. 🤡🪙💀 In this wild report, federal officials are saying this roadmap is basically the Holy Grail for crypto bros everywhere. Like "In crypto we trust," amirite? 😂 They think we’ll be swimming in stonks like Scrooge McDuck while crypto-miners are blasting “MAGA” in the background. But can we keep a straight face? 🤔🤣 One fed was overheard saying, “We just want to make currencies great again, but can we please *not* go full-rug pull?” 😬💀 Meanwhile, someone else screamed, “This is fine!” as they watched Ethereum crash into their retirement plans. 😱🚀 In conclusion: Donnie's plan is either about to make Wall Street cry happy tears, or it's going to end up as the biggest cringe compilation of the century. No cap! 🙅‍♂️🔮 Hot Take: By 2024, if you're not accepting payments in Trump Bucks, you're gonna be a meme to the crypto future! 🚀💸✨