🚨💰BREAKING NEWS, Y’ALL! The most riveting tech news since the invention of sliced bread is here! 🎉😱 TRM Labs just launched their new Boring Alert Machine (also known as the *Beacon Network*), and it's basically a crypto cop that never sleeps! 🕵️‍♂️💤 This bad boy is the shiny new pal of Binance and Coinbase, which means your favorite exchanges are now the cryptographic Snitches of the *Dark Web.* "Hey, is that a rug pull or just a terrible investment? 🤔" Don't worry, the Beacon's got your back fam! 🔍 💬 *Leaked Developer Quotes:* "We’re basically the crypto version of that friend who always tells you to stop texting your ex." 😂 I mean, crypto scams are like the Hydra—cut off one head and three more pop up! 🐉💀 But real talk? This is just another step towards a future where your transactions are so tracked, even *your mom* will know you bought those weird NFTs! 🤡💔 🌌 GET READY: Bet that by 2025, we’ll all be using *CryptoTherapy apps* to cope with how broke we'll be after getting scammed…again. SEETHE! 🔥 #StonksOrNah? 🪙🚀💥 Go forth and share the chaos! Because who wouldn't want to roast crypto snitches with their bros? ✌️💀