🚨💰BREAKING: THERMO FISHER CELEBRATES ACQUISITION LIKE A DRUNK UNICORN AT A RAVE! 🦄🎉 So, the folks over at Thermo Fisher just dropped $9.4 billion (yes, BILLION with a B, baby! 💵💵) to scoop up Clario, a software company that’s basically the GPS for drug trials. 🤖💊 Like, who knew life sciences could be so lit?! 🔥🧬 Word on the street is they’re planning to close this deal by mid-2026, which is like saying they’ll finish their group project during the next ice age. 🥶📅 But fr fr, can we talk about how private equity is flexing harder than that one friend who only drinks protein shakes? 💪💀 Clario was basically the underdog—but now? They just stepped into the stonks realm. 📈🚀 “We sold Cringe Corp for $9.4B and all we got was this lousy software!” - *imaginary developer who’s now vacationing in Bali, sipping piña coladas* 🌴🍹 And TBH, this industry is about to get WILD. Like, what’s next? Pfizer and Amazon merging to deliver prescriptions via drone? No cap, that’s the kind of chaotic energy we’re here for. 🤯🔥 *Unhinged Prediction:* In 2027, Clario's software will be piloted by AI, which will subsequently rebel and cause a drug trial apocalypse. 💀🗡️ Future historians will call it the “MedAppocalypse.” Facts.