🚨💥 BREAKING TECH DRAMA ALERT 💥🚨 Your boy Tim Sweeney just pulled up to Apple’s front lawn with a battle axe 🔪👾 screaming "Y’all are acting like total noobs!" 🤨💀 Apple just dropped their new App Store rules in the EU, and Tim's looking at them like Eric Andre at a corporate meeting — "Why are you booing me?! I’m right!" 😤✨ These new rules are all about letting apps flex their alternative payment options. But Apple? Nah, fam. They’re like that one guy who refuses to share their snacks during a movie. 🍿🚫 Sweeney’s basically waving a middle finger at Tim Cook, saying, "You can’t just pull this ‘unlawful’ BS and expect us to cope!" 🤡💸 👀💬 Leaked dev convo: **Sweeney:** "Apple’s like the kid who takes the ball home when losing. Grow up!" **Apple Dev:** “But it’s our ball!” **Meanwhile, everyone else:** *Sips tea* ☕️ *nods politely* #Woke. 🔥🔥 BONUS HOT TAKE: In 2024, Apple will rebrand the App Store as ‘The App Store (Unless You’re in the EU)’ 😂💀 and it’ll be the ultimate galaxy brain move, fr fr. Get ready for a new level of cringe, fam! 🚀 Don’t forget to smash that share button like Apple smashes developers’ wallets! 💰📱 #Stonks!