🚨🎉 BREAKING NEWS: TikTok just dropped a new ad-buying tool, and it’s got merchants screaming louder than a toddler on a sugar high! 🍬💥 Forget linking to your own sweet online store, fam! The new schtick is to lead customers straight to TikTok Shop instead. 😱💸 Imagine being a merchant and TikTok's like, “Nah, fam, link your hard work to us instead!” That’s like offering a tour of your house but the only destination is the fridge. 🏠➡️🥴 Who needs brand autonomy when you can be a TikTok minion? 🤖✨ Leaked developer quote: “We just wanna be like Amazon, but with more dance challenges!” 😤💃 Boosting TikTok’s shop is making merchant vibes go from “stoked” to “this is fine” in 0.2 seconds. Drake’s pointing meme in one hand, this cringe ad tool in the other—just a classic day in the tech jungle. 📈💀 Hot take: TikTok’s next move? Replacing every merchant with dancing AI avatars who can sell us fake jewelry while doing the latest viral dance. Just wait—this time next year, your toaster will be on TikTok selling itself! 🚀🔥 Stay tuned, bro! #Stonks #MerchantsSeethe