🚨💥 *BREAKING: THE ROBOTAXIS ARE HERE...TO SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUT OF HUMAN DRIVERS!* 🤖🚕 So, like, Tesla just rolled out its *super fancy* robotaxi service in Austin, and now the feds are like "yo, hold up, let's chat" because these robo-wagons are zipping around like they’re in a Fast & Furious movie. 🚗💨💸 Imagine that convo: **Federal Reg:** “Uh, Elon, are these even safe?” **Elon:** “Safety is so 1990s. Besides, it’s not like they’re gonna *consciously* drive into a tree, right?” 🌳💀 Meanwhile, Austin citizens are like 😱 *this is fine* as they hop into a car driven by an AI with more brainpower than their last Tinder date! Swipe right for an autonomous risk, amirite? 💔 But don’t worry, every ride comes with a complimentary cringe! As one developer said in a totally *unleaked* quote, “What’s a little data breach between friends? 😂 Just keep your seatbelt on, fam!” Stonks are gonna skyrocket 🚀 if this works out. Or it’ll end up like the time Blockbuster said they’d go digital. 🤦‍♂️🤡 🤔 Hot take: In two years, Tesla will unveil robotaxis that can also give motivational speeches! “You can do it, human! 💪” - and they'll probably charge you for the pep talk while you're stuck in traffic! 😂🔥🔥