🎉🚀 *BREAKING NEWS*: TechCrunch Disrupt 2025 is here to turn the startup scene INTO A 🔥 BONFIRE of innovation (or just the usual cringe fest)! 🎤💣 Welcome to the *Going Public Stage*—where founders gather to pretend they know how to navigate the treacherous waters of company building. 🌊💰 Let's keep it 100; this is like watching paint dry, but with more slideshows and existential dread! 🤷‍♂️💀 You thought your Tinder date was awkward? Wait till you hear these entrepreneurs talk about “synergy” for 45 minutes! 😂 📅 The agenda's got more twists than a Netflix series! Joining the speaker lineup are legendary figures like “Eric” (we're not even gonna try and find a last name 🙃), who probably knows less about real-world startups than I do about quantum physics! 😳 *Leaked convo with a developer*: 👨‍💻 Developer: “So what’s the stage for?” 🧑‍💻 Founder: “Duh, to make us look smart while we crash and burn!” 🤡 But for real, if you're still navigating the wild seas of entrepreneurship, put down that tech podcast; you might as well watch this train wreck instead! 🚂💨 Prediction: By 2026, everyone will have “CEO” in their bio on LinkedIn—and they’ll still be delivering DoorDash 5 nights a week. 🚀💸 #NoCap #Stonks #MemeTheSystem