🚨📢 GUESS WHAT, TECH GURUS? 💻🧐 Substack's very own wizard 🧙‍♂️, Hamish McKenzie, is stirring the pot 🔥💥 by launching a biweekly column on Lachlan Cartwright's Breaker - which is apparently hosted on the rival beehiiv! 😱💣 Why do I feel like I’m watching the Titanic sink in slow-mo while munching on popcorn? 🍿🚢 Lemme paint the picture: Substack is like that kid in school who hogs the smart kid's lunch money, and now Hamish is out here acting like he’s *transferring to the enemy school* 🏫🤡. Meanwhile, beehiiv's CEO is chugging coffee like it’s a 5-hour energy drink—"Good day to be ME" 😏💰. Y’all thought the content wars were over? Nah fam, we're just at *Stage 1*: *The Krabby Patty Secret Formula Heist*. 🦀🔍 And what’s even crazier? The song of the summer is some Morgan Wallen bop 🤠🎶, while the real music here is the sweet, sweet sound of tech drama. 💥💀 *Leaked Developer Quote*: “Substack is basically that kid trying to flex with beehive vibes. 🤷‍♂️💬 Like, do they even know what a real platform looks like? …cringe.” **Hot Take**: Mark my words: In 2024, we’ll all pay $5/mo for a *one-line email subscription* (just like those hot takes) and someone will say, “This is fine.”🔥👀 #BlessedButExhausted #StonksOnFire