"Substack just said 'hold my coffee' βππ» and leveled up livestreaming! π₯ Time to go full send, y'all! π₯π"
π₯π₯ **BREAKING NEWS, FOLKS!** Substack just threw a party π, and *nobody* showed up because they were too busy faffing about with the latest Twitter drama! π€ So, whatβs the tea? π§ Theyβre claiming to be the **next TikTok** (like, for writers? this is a *multiverse crossover* we didnβt ask for! π) with a new update that lets creators clip their livestreams and share them on Notes. Sounds thrilling, right? π€π€ **π₯EXCLUSIVE, FAKE DEVELOPER QUOTE:** βWe thought wizards could only do magic, but then we realized livestreaming could turn Sad Scribblers into Rich Content Lords, no cap,β said literally no one. Also, you'll get real-time notifications about how your cringey rants are performing. So basically, you can watch your hopes and dreams plummet faster than Bitcoin in a bear market ππ. Make sure to check your βperformanceββitβs how you cope with seething envy as you watch your friendβs cat go viral instead. But fr fr, if Substack gets any more hip, I half expect them to drop a NFT of a bad poem. π©ππ° **UNHINGED PREDICTION:** Substack is just one Twitch stream away from launching a Substack Metaverse. You heard it here first! π€β¨ Whoβs ready for βSubstreamβ? π€‘