🎉🔥 Boring IPO Alert! 🚨 StubHub is like the kid who promised to bring cupcakes to the bake sale but showed up with Jell-O shots instead! 🍮💔 The ticket-peddler just released its H1 report, claiming a revenue boost of 3% to a whopping $828 MILLION. But wait—👀 they were aiming for $885M! *Insert SpongeBob “I can’t even” meme* 🤦‍♂️ Adjusted EBITDA dipped like my motivation on a Monday morning—down 7%! 📉💀 Even as they prep for a September IPO, StubHub is like that one friend who says "I’m gonna get my life together," while still binge-watching reality shows at 3 AM. This ain't it, fam! 🤡 But here’s the tea ☕️: “We thought we could just sprinkle some marketing fairy dust and everything would magically work out!” - StubHub Dev, probably. 🧚‍♂️ No cap, it's gonna take more than just a cute website and a meme-worthy TikTok dance to bring those revenue numbers up, fr fr. Hot take: By 2025, StubHub will be offering “FOMO insurance” for all the tickets they can’t sell—because let’s be real, who wants to drop $828M and still have to cry in a corner? 🚀👀💰 Stonks? More like no stonks. 🤡🔥