🚨BREAKING: STRIPE’S GOT A NEW CRYPTO TOY 🚨💰💀 Hold onto your hats, fam! Stripe, the OG payment sauce, just dropped a blockchain bomb 🔥💥 named *Tempo* and it's about to make your stablecoins *stable-er*?! 🤔🤖 I mean, who even needs stablecoins to be processed fast? It’s not like they don’t already have the vibe of a slow-motion train wreck 🚂💨 And guess what? They’ve recruited a battle royale roster with Anthropic, OpenAI, and Paradigm! 😮💪 Talk about a lineup stronger than that summer blockbuster no one wanted but everyone went to see— y’know, like the *Fast & Furious* franchise but make it crypto! 🏎️💨 Imagine the developer conversations: 🦾 Developer 1: “So, we’re using AI to make crypto faster, right?” 👾 Developer 2: “Nah fam, we’re just yelling at the blockchain until it works.” In the meantime, this is fine. 💁‍♂️🔥 They're trying to turn our digital currency into *stonks* 📈💸, but fr fr, this whole venture is screaming “cringe” harder than a 2000s MySpace page! 😳 So let’s just sit back and watch this trainwreck unfold because I predict *Tempo* will either revolutionize crypto processing or go down in flames like any new Facebook app. 🚀🚫💀 TL;DR: Stripe + big names = 🚀 or 💩. Only time will tell! But don’t worry, it’s fine. Everything’s fine… right? 🤡💔