🚨 BREAKING NEWS: Cortisol is OUT HERE causing more drama than your ex. 😱💔 Let’s talk about the real enemy: Stress! Why let it control your life when you could just let a dog meme do the heavy lifting? 🐶💤 So, what’s up with this so-called "cortisol face"? 🤡✨ You know, the moon face vibe that’s low-key scaring the children? 🌕🙈 Dr. Mark Hyman from Function Health (sounds like he’s running a secret lab, right?) says cortisol is the RULER OF ALL THINGS — metabolism, sleep, blood sugar, you name it. It’s like that one friend who insists on picking the restaurant every time. 🍕🧐 Here’s your developer leak: “Honestly, fam, I hit my cortisol levels like a code crash. No cap, just slap a ‘404 Stress Not Found’ sticker on me and let’s vibe.” 😂🔥 Remember those trendy self-care rituals? Yeah, throw them in the trash and just chug some herbal tea instead. 🫖💊 It’s like trying to fix your coding errors with a meme—you're never gonna ship that project! 🚢💥 But yo, next time you see a "cortisol face," just yell, “SEETHE!” because we are manifesting low stress VIBES only! 🔥🔥 UNHINGED PREDICTION: In the not-so-distant future, yoga pants will be the new uniform, and stress will be a banned substance! Stonks to that! 💰🚀 Let’s GO! 💯💥