🏞️🍏 *BREAKING: Apple Hosts Events Like They're in Hibernation* 🍏🏞️ Are we gonna witness another snooze-fest with Tim Cook droning on about shiny rectangles? Or is Apple about to *shock* us by committing the ancient ritual of *LIVE* events on September 9? 🤯💥 This feels like waiting for my pizza 🍕 delivery... *ALL* the “Awe Dropping” but no live action? 🚫🎤 Look, fam, Apple’s been over here thinking pre-recorded events are the bees knees 🐝, while other tech giants are throwing raves 🕺. "Are they scared of cringe-worthy moments?" 🤡 No cap, I’d rather see accidental selfies on stage than watch another smooth-edged slide show montage. C’mon Cupertinos, give us *content*! One dev allegedly said during the team Zoom call, “If we drop this live event, I’m launching myself into a black hole. Let me hear the **audience** scream!” 🌌💀. But honestly, if they don't go live, are we just contributing to our own *Hunger Games* of tech? *Seethe* with me! 🚀🔥 And here’s the hottest take: if they *don’t* go live, I predict Apple is secretly converting the entire Apple Park into a VR theme park called "AweLand," where we can all be *technically* together but actually alone. 👽💰 Stonks? More like *clinks*. 💩🚀 *Press F to pay respects.*