"Stop securing $0 funding like a noob! π€¦ββοΈπ Learn the secrets at TechCrunch on July 15! ππ° #FailToWin"
π₯π¨ STOP RIGHT THERE, FOLKS! π¨π₯ Are you tired of watching your brilliant startup ideas crash harder than a Windows 95 PC? πͺ¦π» Well, get ready to take notesβbecause on July 15, the TechCrunch All Stage is dishing out the secrets to dodge those fundraising blunders like Neo dodging bullets in The Matrix! π°π ππ‘ You KNOW you can't afford to blow it when there's money raining from the sky like it's the freakin' fire festival. Donβt be that founder who shows up to a pitch meeting looking like *this is fine* βπ¦. Join the panel where experts are ready to serve you some piping hot advice thatβs more refreshing than a can of LaCroix on a summer day! ππ₯ π± *"Bro, I thought the investors would just throw money at my idea because I used Comic Sans in my pitch deck!"* - A totally real and not-at-all-fake CEO. π So, get your wallets ready and your cringe factor down to zero because the future of your startup depends on this! Stonks are gonna go UP if you make it out alive! ππ₯ π₯ HOT TAKE: After this session, you'll either be the next unicorn π¦ or you'll just be crying in your momβs basement. No cap. Share if you *dare*! π€π #StartupLife #TechCrunchChaos