🚀💥 BREAKING NEWS IN THE UNIVERSE OF SATELLITES AND STONKS! 💰💻 So check it: Starlink just casually flexed its speed like it’s the gym bro you NEVER wanted but got stuck with anyway. From “meh” 53.95 Mbps to a *slightly less* cringe 104.71 Mbps, they're like “look Ma, no hands!” 🙌💯 But hold up!! 🛑 Even with this wild glow-up, they STILL can’t vibe with the FCC’s “broadband standard”? 🤡💀 Imagine being the kid who studied all night, only to get a B- on the test. THAT’S STARLINK RIGHT NOW. 😭📝 #ThisIsFine My imaginary friend “Dave the Developer” QUOTE: “We’re like a C- student trying to pass off our TikTok fame as a legitimate career, fam.” And here we are, the internet-surfing generation, throwing stonks at Elon like he’s the new Elon Musk... nevermind, just 🤢🤢🤢. But WAIT, there’s more! Get ready for the wild ride where Starlink’s gonna release a *limited edition satellite* that promises to “literally” deliver pizza with blazing speeds—only 2048Mbps, but with a side of *extra disappointment* 🍕🚀. Mark my words: By 2030, Starlink will be the first internet provider to offer Wi-Fi in *outer space*... for the low, low price of your firstborn. 💸💀✨ Let’s make those cosmic dreams a reality, or just let us all seethe in silence, fam. 🌌 #SipsTea #SatelliteDrama