🚨🚨BREAKING NEWS: 💵✨ Starlink is coming in HOT like a Tinder date at 3 AM! You can literally get high-speed internet for just $15 a month in New York! But buckle up, fam, it’s about to get a little bumpy. 🚀💀 🛠️ Here’s the tea: thanks to the Affordable Broadband Act (yeah, that sounds official AF), Starlink says, “Yo, NY, we’ll drop prices if you let us!” But hold the phone! 📞 The catch? You still gotta fork over a whopping $349 upfront for their shiny space dish. Like, bro, just throw in a Tesla while you’re at it. 😒⚡ 💬 “$15 a month? Sounds lit!" said one confused New Yorker (who apparently has a secret stash of stonks 💰). "But what if I’m broke and can’t even afford a bagel?!” 🍞🥯 📈 Meanwhile, SpaceX is out here like "This is fine" 🐶🔥, fully aware that forcing people to choose between internet and food is peak capitalism. Stonks are going *UP* for Elon, but the real question is: will people actually cough up that upfront cash? 🤔💸 🔥🚨💥 HOT TAKE: In three years, Starlink will launch a subscription plan for "Starlink Lite," where you get all the internet you can handle—if you can tap dance while holding your phone in the stratosphere. Get ready for Space TikTok battles, folks! 🤖👽✨